The Carreau's Nest

      I have not been setting a good example, be that for those around me or myself. I'm not sure why, but recently I found myself in yet another rut. I can most definitely feel mediocrity climbing back into my life, and that feeling has been there for about a month now. Looking at my numbers I can tell that my dedication to my blogging, my pushups and situps, my forms, even my acts of kindness, have gone into a downward spiral as of late. I have noticed however that my attention has been elsewhere for the majority of that time, and most of it is being spent in front of my computer. I'm addicted to video games, and I've already tried to address this with my personal requirements this year by keeping track of how many hours I spend playing them. Just over two months in and that already does not seem to be working, but I realize I could be making a greater effort in shifting my attention away from them.      As for the latter half of this month, I have been d...

Today was the last formal class for the I Ho Chuan we have for the rest of the month, and that means we had to present our beta forms today. I saw a lot of great forms today, but I have two things that really stuck in my mind. For one, most of the black belts are doing that one form whose name I have no idea how to spell, nor do I have any idea how to perform it. The other take away was a self reflection, something I'd only realized after performing in front of other people: almost half my form is just kicking. Maybe I'm over exaggerating, and maybe the limited uses of a fan as a weapon justifies the fact, but it still feels weird that there are that many kicks in what was supposed to be a weapon form. Of course today isn't the end all be all of what the form is supposed to be, but it's definitely got me thinking about how I can alter it for the future. My Numbers:

Just over a week ago, on February 10th, I was promoted to the rank of first degree black belt. To be frank, I'm not sure how much I enjoyed today up until the banquet, probably because I was more stressed/nervous if anything, but once I got my speech out of the way I had a much easier time relaxing the rest of the night. If anything, I'm glad that I got to deliver my speech before performing our demos on stage, that release of tension was what I needed to really enjoy myself while performing. As for the last week or so, I haven't felt too different in terms of classes. In the grand scheme of things, I only had my Monday class switched to Tuesdays instead, and other than that my regular schedule has stayed about the same. Tuesday's black belt class wasn't too different from what I was expecting. We performed DMS up until the end of part 2, and then spent the rest of the class practicing the same four or five moves. It's not as physically intensive as the level 2 ...

I'm not sure why I keep doing this to myself... This weekend is the day I've been looking forward to and dreading simultaneously. I'm at the point where the bad decisions from the last year are coming back to haunt me. So much stuff to do and the time I had to prepare is long gone. It's not like I didn't know these things were due, more I thought subconsciously that it would take less time. I've made it to the point where I'm mentally stressing trying to get things done, and I'm quite sure I haven't left myself enough breathing room. Take "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" (the book I need to read), currently sitting in front of me, about 1/3 read. If I spent a great deal of time in the next 3 days reading, I'm sure I could get it done. Unfortunately I also have other things to take care of in that timeframe like work, a first aid course, 5 applications, form reps, and about 30-40 thousand push-ups and sit-ups that I know that ...

As of late I've been really focusing on keeping up a presence of mind during my daily activities (or "trying to" might be better terminology for it). As much as I do, try to keep my focus throughout the day, My attention span seems to be dictated from the moment I wake up. If I wake up with energy and a sense of what to do in the morning, I'm good to go for the rest of the day. If I don't have that, I feel like I need to refocus my brain every 5 minutes, I couldn't tell you why. Frankly, this habit both confuses and annoys me at the same time. It's like I don't feel like I'm going to do anything meaningful today Unless I wake up on The Verge of a heart attack, panicking about something ( Not literally, but you get the idea). Now that I'm reading this down and almost sounds paradoxical, Considering I need to be active from the moment I wake up In order to be active for the rest of the day.  Any other day at the week It feels like I'm waking ...

     It's been a month since I've done a blog, so not too proud of that. I was knocked out of commission for a bit due to an illness (which was why I wasn't in classes all of last week) and I'm going through the process of getting myself back on track again. As much as I hate being sick, I have to come to terms with the fact that it's a part of life. Still, I can't help but feel like there was more to be done WHILE I was sick. Not that I felt like I could go run a marathon or anything (far from it in fact), but I felt a looming feeling of guilt thinking "I'd be doing pushups right about now if I wouldn't cough up my lungs if I tried". I know that rest is supposed to help you get better, but my brain doesn't believe it, and I get restless. Being sick feels like it comes often enough that it would halt my progress, but not frequent enough that I necessarily know how to handle it from a training perspective.  I'm feeling  physically better...

      Realising that grading day is just over 2 months away, I have to look back and think if the effort I put in this year is enough. Listening to Sifu Brinker yesterday in front of the level 1 class talking about how much dedication this program takes and how much effort needs to be put in. My numbers are not anything great, and I'm finding it hard to make recording them a daily habit. As I'm writing this I have pushups/situps and form reps recorded in multiple different locations, and even if I added them together they wouldn't be close to what I need. Acts of kindness are in the same boat too, but probably less so considering I haven't been as mindful as I'd like to be.     Reflecting on this, and being told on saturday that there are still requirements that I have to fulfill (some of them I apparently missed) I'm having my doubts as to if I'll  succeed in December. There have definitely been times where I could have had a different ...

     I've been trying to get back into consistently doing push-ups (and sit-ups but those are easy) consistently each day, since each time I've tried it's a lot harder of a habit than I mentally make it out to be. I've already tried "easing into it" as a method, but that just felt like it made it easier to leave behind when I'm only missing a small amount.     This week I believe I have an opportunity to try to rectify this. My birthday is on the 20th, and I haven't booked any days off in quite some time from work, so I went ahead and booked off the whole week for myself. All this spare time on my hands, and frankly I wasn't planning to do anything particular with it in the moment but I had an idea. Thinking back to yesterday's bootcamp, and last thursday's meeting, Sifu Brinker talked about the idea of our own personal limits. As youth we have an extraordinarily high limit that we cant quite reach that easily, but as we age those limits...

     I'm a mixed bag of emotions right now. We just went through our monthly meeting in the I Ho Chuan and I'm still processing most of it as I'm typing. Coming out of the kwoon with Sifu Brinker going on for almost 40 minutes straight about his experiences of having done kung fu over the years, how he has learned so much over the years and that if he knew this when he was a teen he'd be unstoppable, only to think that same thought 10 years later with the same motivation as back then. He talks about having tried to channel what he's learned into his students, into me, so that I would have that same knowledge he knows now going forward but instead we get to this point and he says one thing; "You're an Idiot!"     ...AND HE'S FLIPPING RIGHT!     GOD, I think back to the last few years of my life and it can go two ways, I've learned a lot /  I could have done more. Most often it's the latter that comes to mind but they are both correct in t...

So, its been 77 days since I wrote my last blog posting, Not the greatest of accomplishments, especially after saying that I'd start doing these weekly. Just had a meeting this morning regarding this topic (during which I reminded myself of how awkward a human being I am) and I believe that in terms of my training I might be reaching my subconscious self to some degree. Maybe. Somewhat. The point is I'm making progress mentally, and I feel that's what I need right now. Numbers aren't too great, since it feels like I'm either getting sick or injured a lot lately, and I'm more disappointed in myself for my approach to my recovery. It feels like roadblocks have been more frequent than ever these last few months, and I couldn't tell you why, but if anything is stopping my progress right now its definitely these. Not too much I can do about them other than focus on what I can when I can, and that engagement factor can start with getting out these blogs. Thi is a ...

 New year, renewed motivation! After last years motivational collapse I'm trying to keep this year going strong for as long as I can. My calisthenics (push-ups and sit-ups) aren't going amazing, but I'm not slacking on them either, averaging 100 on good days, but dropping significantly on bad ones (my recent sickness being a good example). Still trying to find a semi consistent time/place to perform forms on the regular. One of the main problems I've been having is my weapon, or lack thereof. My initial idea for my weapon was to use something unorthodox, something not commonly chosen but still used as a weapon. I had ideas for both a reaper scythe and a tower shield, but the problem is trying to get a hold of something like that. Because no one actually uses these things, no one makes them. Sure I could get something custom ordered online for a pretty penny, but even if I do it's still about a 6 month waiting period. Maybe I'll grab something like that next year...

    At the time I'm writing this, we just finished our weekly second degree brown belt meeting. Now that we're coming close to the end of the year there has been a lot of talk about our grading on December 3rd. Sifu Was trying to have us share our progress with the rest of the group. There was some great discussion that went on with the people that did talk in the time that we had, and even though I did have my camera off I was listening to every word, but that's not my point here. My point was that I didn't say a word, even though I was called out directly because I haven't put out a single blog post this year. I decided to keep silent, in hopes that I could write this post afterwards and convey my thoughts in a much more structured setting, rather than my usual attempt at public speaking, usually having myself lose my train of thought after one to two sentences. I thought that this would get the point across in a much more sensible manner, as well as a good excuse...