The Carreau's Nest

      Realising that grading day is just over 2 months away, I have to look back and think if the effort I put in this year is enough. Listening to Sifu Brinker yesterday in front of the level 1 class talking about how much dedication this program takes and how much effort needs to be put in. My numbers are not anything great, and I'm finding it hard to make recording them a daily habit. As I'm writing this I have pushups/situps and form reps recorded in multiple different locations, and even if I added them together they wouldn't be close to what I need. Acts of kindness are in the same boat too, but probably less so considering I haven't been as mindful as I'd like to be.     Reflecting on this, and being told on saturday that there are still requirements that I have to fulfill (some of them I apparently missed) I'm having my doubts as to if I'll  succeed in December. There have definitely been times where I could have had a different ...

     I've been trying to get back into consistently doing push-ups (and sit-ups but those are easy) consistently each day, since each time I've tried it's a lot harder of a habit than I mentally make it out to be. I've already tried "easing into it" as a method, but that just felt like it made it easier to leave behind when I'm only missing a small amount.     This week I believe I have an opportunity to try to rectify this. My birthday is on the 20th, and I haven't booked any days off in quite some time from work, so I went ahead and booked off the whole week for myself. All this spare time on my hands, and frankly I wasn't planning to do anything particular with it in the moment but I had an idea. Thinking back to yesterday's bootcamp, and last thursday's meeting, Sifu Brinker talked about the idea of our own personal limits. As youth we have an extraordinarily high limit that we cant quite reach that easily, but as we age those limits...

     I'm a mixed bag of emotions right now. We just went through our monthly meeting in the I Ho Chuan and I'm still processing most of it as I'm typing. Coming out of the kwoon with Sifu Brinker going on for almost 40 minutes straight about his experiences of having done kung fu over the years, how he has learned so much over the years and that if he knew this when he was a teen he'd be unstoppable, only to think that same thought 10 years later with the same motivation as back then. He talks about having tried to channel what he's learned into his students, into me, so that I would have that same knowledge he knows now going forward but instead we get to this point and he says one thing; "You're an Idiot!"     ...AND HE'S FLIPPING RIGHT!     GOD, I think back to the last few years of my life and it can go two ways, I've learned a lot /  I could have done more. Most often it's the latter that comes to mind but they are both correct in t...

So, its been 77 days since I wrote my last blog posting, Not the greatest of accomplishments, especially after saying that I'd start doing these weekly. Just had a meeting this morning regarding this topic (during which I reminded myself of how awkward a human being I am) and I believe that in terms of my training I might be reaching my subconscious self to some degree. Maybe. Somewhat. The point is I'm making progress mentally, and I feel that's what I need right now. Numbers aren't too great, since it feels like I'm either getting sick or injured a lot lately, and I'm more disappointed in myself for my approach to my recovery. It feels like roadblocks have been more frequent than ever these last few months, and I couldn't tell you why, but if anything is stopping my progress right now its definitely these. Not too much I can do about them other than focus on what I can when I can, and that engagement factor can start with getting out these blogs. Thi is a ...

 New year, renewed motivation! After last years motivational collapse I'm trying to keep this year going strong for as long as I can. My calisthenics (push-ups and sit-ups) aren't going amazing, but I'm not slacking on them either, averaging 100 on good days, but dropping significantly on bad ones (my recent sickness being a good example). Still trying to find a semi consistent time/place to perform forms on the regular. One of the main problems I've been having is my weapon, or lack thereof. My initial idea for my weapon was to use something unorthodox, something not commonly chosen but still used as a weapon. I had ideas for both a reaper scythe and a tower shield, but the problem is trying to get a hold of something like that. Because no one actually uses these things, no one makes them. Sure I could get something custom ordered online for a pretty penny, but even if I do it's still about a 6 month waiting period. Maybe I'll grab something like that next year...

    At the time I'm writing this, we just finished our weekly second degree brown belt meeting. Now that we're coming close to the end of the year there has been a lot of talk about our grading on December 3rd. Sifu Was trying to have us share our progress with the rest of the group. There was some great discussion that went on with the people that did talk in the time that we had, and even though I did have my camera off I was listening to every word, but that's not my point here. My point was that I didn't say a word, even though I was called out directly because I haven't put out a single blog post this year. I decided to keep silent, in hopes that I could write this post afterwards and convey my thoughts in a much more structured setting, rather than my usual attempt at public speaking, usually having myself lose my train of thought after one to two sentences. I thought that this would get the point across in a much more sensible manner, as well as a good excuse...